Embracing Motherhood: From Overwhelm to Acceptance

Reflecting on the Journey

 I remember the day I brought my youngest, Chase, home from the hospital and the reality set in that I now had three boys under the age of 4. At the time I felt overwhelmed by the amount of me that was needed. Feeling like there was no way I could do this.

Have you tried putting three kids into car seats, packing the pram, the nappy bag, spare clothes, bottles, hats, only to say what else am I forgetting? It often felt like it took half the day to get everyone and everything in the car for a simple trip into town.

Fast forward 6 years and I have just put the boys on the bus, off to school for the day.

It made me reminisce on the days where the mornings went a bit slower. When we didn’t have to be up at a certain time, when we weren’t rushing to make it to the school bus on time. Routine was always important and helped to keep my sanity so while the boys were always up by 7am (though really there were a lot of early mornings in there too) we often didn’t have anywhere to be. We would have a slow morning of breakfast, bottles, and deciding what to do for the day. The days often went around what shows were on ABC kids so they could watch their favourites (how the world of streaming has changed in a few short years).

When mums of older kids would tell me to enjoy the days when they were young as it would go so quickly, I thought really? When you are in the trenches of nappies, bottles and the terrible twos its sometimes hard to embrace the phase of life you are in. It can be hard to look beyond the house and the endless needs of babies and toddlers.

So how do you embrace the season you are in?

Embracing the Seasons

 For me one of the most life changing moments of the early years of motherhood was accepting that it was simply a season of life. While my boys brought me immeasurable joy the days could seem to stretch endlessly. Balancing the needs of a newborn with reflux, a teething 2-year-old and a 4-year-old who just wanted to go play at the park was a daily challenge. The amount of energy required to keep up with all their demands could leave me feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and touched out.  

Add in being married to farmer who is working extremely long and unpredictable hours added an extra layer of complexity to our days. The days could feel never ending and you could find yourself yearning for an hour of respite amongst the chaos. I remember the moment when Stephen would walk out the door back to farm and that resentment would bubble up inside me. In the moment all you can see is the really long hours they are working, and you being left with the kids and the housework. In reality we had just bought a farm as first-generation farmers. We had faced a milk price step down and entered years of drought. Stephen was doing everything he could to keep the farm afloat and would have much rather been walking in the door at 5pm every night to spend time with his family.

The Early Years

I had always planned to go back to work, and the boys would be able to spend days with Stephen on the farm. The law degree that I had graduated with just before having Kade was the long-term goal that would still be accomplished. It quickly became apparent that this would be harder than once thought. Recovering from an emergency c-section took time and finding my way as a first-time mum was something that did not come naturally.

The first few weeks are a complete haze, the pain from the c-section, difficulty breastfeeding and the complete lack of sleep that comes with a newborn; I was barely functioning. I envied the mothers who were out and about like life was still completely normal where I felt like I was on an alien planet. Kade has repeated ear infections over his first two years of life which resulted in speech delay and grommets being put in at 18 months.

Blake came along a bit less than 2 years later thanks to an early arrival and another emergency c-section. He was whisked off to the nursey for observation and I didn’t see him for the first 12 hours. Thankfully our stay was short, and I went home with a happy easy baby who liked to sleep. Unfortunately, he was prone to sickness, and we spent many a night in hospital with throat infections and him refusing to drink. He had to have fluids and kept pulling the tubes out. Hearing him scream while they put the tubes back in was one of the worst moments. A little before he was 2, he had his tonsils and adenoids removed and grommets put in. The change was instant, and we had again had a happy little boy.

Chase joined us just under 2 years later, again premature and by emergency c-section. He was taken to the nursery and put on a CPAP machine to help him breath. It was 3 weeks before we could bring him home. I can tell you that going home and leaving your premature baby at the hospital only days after giving birth is one of the most gut-wrenching experiences. I could have stayed but I had two other boys at home who couldn’t understand why their mum and new baby brother weren’t coming home.

 I was getting up through the night to pump milk and then feeding Chase during the day when I could get there. Due to the c-section I couldn’t drive so was relying on family to get me there which limited the time I could spend with him. I remember getting ready to go to the hospital and the nurse rang to say Chase had woken early so they gave him a bottle. I broke down in tears as it was the only time I had been able to get to the hospital that day and now I wouldn’t get to feed him.

Chases health continued to be turbulent for the next two years. Hospital stays for bronchiolitis, pneumonia, croup and even an ambulance trip when he had an asthma attack and stopped breathing. At 2 he had grommets put in and al official diagnosis of asthma meaning we could now have medication to control his symptoms.  

By the time Chase was 2 I felt like I had been drowning for years. It was living in a constant state of anxiety and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t keep going like I was, it wasn’t sustainable.

I had spent 4 years at home always thinking that at some point I would go back to a 9-5 job. It was then that I came to accept that with the boy’s health the way it was that wasn’t going to happen. I was too unreliable to return to a job with the constant medical appointments and sudden illnesses the boys were prone to. My place at this time was at home with boys and that was a choice I finally made completely.

Accepting the Season

Accepting that this was just a season of life brought some calm to the turmoil and was a pivotal turning point for me. I won’t say it was easy because it wasn’t. In that moment of acceptance, it can feel like you are just giving up and accepting that this is your life forever. It comes down to you being able to go through each day and not feeling defeated by the choice you have made.

This change in mindset and different view to the motherhood journey took a weight off my shoulders. It allowed me to focus on the boys and enjoy both the good days and the challenging ones. To enjoy the days full of first steps, giggles and snuggles on the couch. To remember on the days where there were tantrums and nap refusal that it was just one moment in the journey. The simple fact was they were babies and toddlers learning about the world and it was a learning journey for me as a mother too.

Have you navigated the whirlwind of motherhood’s different seasons?

Whether it’s juggling multiple children, dealing with health challenges, or finding your own identity in the chaos, you are not alone. Drop a comment below and connect with our community of rural mums who understand the journey.

Your story might just be the encouragement someone else needs today.